Friday, March 4, 2011

Why marriages are failing

"Till death do us part" appear to be words with little meaning when looking at the statistics of divorces these days. Its unfortunate that too many people are jumping into marriages before  giving it much thought or preparation and before they know it, their marriage has become tattered and torn and they are facing the prospect of divorce. There are many reasons why a marriage can go bad. 
One of the most common is communication. When you decide to get married, you should marry your best friend. Someone you can talk to, confide in, and communicate with under any circumstances. That way, when life throws you curve balls, you will have a solid foundation to fall back on. Too many marriages are built on superficial things that fade with, attraction, income among other things. Those things will fade away and when they do, you are left with a stranger in your house! . First and foremost,  make sure you enjoy each other's company. A couple should communicate all their hopes and desires. They should talk about their past and how they got to that point in their life. And most importantly, they should be able to talk about Money Matters. How to earn it and how to spend it.  When money problems become more of an issue in a relationship, stronger couples are able to ride out of the storm by putting their biggest asset--their ability to talk and to adapt together--to good effect. Now, for weaker couples, this is a disaster.
Setting our expectations too high in a marriage, then having those expectations go unfulfilled, is another mistake young couples are making. Most people enter into marriage with expectations that cannot be met by their partner. We all feel justified in expecting faithfulness, loyalty, love and respect. It's when we look beyond these basic needs that things can go wrong. Some of us expect our spouse to make us feel more important, love the people they love, hate the people they hate and mostly we look outside ourselves, to our spouse, for happiness. Our spouse should make more money. She should keep the house cleaner. He should cook more often. She should shop less. He should spend more time with the kids. . . the list goes on. The problem is when we start looking for solutions to these things outside the marriage.
Everyone thinks that they can change their spouse, and that is the mistake that many young couples make. There is however, a difference between changing and refining!  While one cannot change the personality in itself, knowing what makes a your partner "tick" and learning each other's body language, can help to alter negative traits. After all, in relationships, the trick is to grow together, not really change, but grow. I am not referring to growing older, but rather to mature in wants and desires, goals and dreams, and refine them along the path of life.
Marriage takes a lot of work and compromise, but if you master the art, the joy you get is irreplaceable.
Ms B

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